Dedicated by Pete Davis

Author:Pete Davis [Davis, Pete]
Language: eng
Format: epub
Published: 2021-05-04T00:00:00+00:00

Two views of the self

To overcome the fear of association, we need to change the way we think about ourselves. Our fears about threats to our identity, reputation, and sense of control come from a view of the self as something that is static and isolated. In this view, we have a series of locked-in personal qualities: “I love sushi, my favorite band is the Rolling Stones, I cheer for the Lakers, I’m an electrician.” It’s like a dating profile or Facebook page: You have your preferences, and your task in life is to find the people and products that work with and satisfy them.

If you believe that you have a static and isolated self, everything that doesn’t mesh well with you is a threat. You’re going to have anxiety about making choices that best align with your “true self.” But there is no perfect match. There is no cause, place, community, craft, profession—and definitely no person—that will line up perfectly with all your current qualities.

But there’s an alternate view of the self that better allows for commitment. It’s to see the self not as static but dynamic; not as rigid but organic. In this view, our identity is not fixed but built through our relationships; our public image is burnished, not threatened, by our affiliations; and our sense of control is bolstered, not lost, when we form community. The self, in this view, is embedded: It emerges from our commitments.

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